Friends, gather round. I have something important to discuss.
There's been a lot of talk recently about how the Mayan calendar ends in 2012, and speculation that this indicates the date of the end of the world. A lot of people are very concerned.
But I fear we have overlooked a more immanent threat!
This morning I discovered that the standard Gregorian calendar -- the one used today in most of the western world -- ends on December 31st! That's right! The 31st is the last day in December and after that there is no new month!
Don't take my word for it, go and check your own calendars right now. See for yourself. Only 12 months in the calendar, and December is the last of them!
Now the Gregorian calendar has been used for thousands of years, and has been the foundation of some very advanced civilisations. So clearly this indicates that the end will come much sooner than expected.
Start hoarding your tinned spaghetti people!